I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
