I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just high enough for therapy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
