White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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