The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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