I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
