nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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