you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
