I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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