dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
