At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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