Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
