i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
