Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
