Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
