We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
