Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
