meet me or not, i'm out of control
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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