So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
