So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
