i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
