Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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