i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
