Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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