She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
