I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
