I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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