Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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