Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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