please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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