i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
