o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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