every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
