why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
