New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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