so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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