Midget sex pt 2 tonight
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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