Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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