Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
