i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
