Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
