You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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