You made me cry and you don't even care
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
