never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
