I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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