just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
