just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
