I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
