Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
