i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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