So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Farmville is her only friend.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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