I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
