he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
