Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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